There have been times when you’ve thought of ending your relationship with your partner. Not that he’s a bad man. In fact, you can vividly picture a life happily ever after with him.
But most days, that vision of a blissful relationship with him seems hazy and farfetched.
Is it worth staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, or are you better off finding true love elsewhere?
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Who is the emotionally unavailable man?
Before thinking of ending your relationship with your partner because you believe that he’s emotionally unavailable, it is worthwhile to clear up a few things first.
For starters, what does it mean when you say that a person is emotionally unavailable?
Unfortunately, the term emotional unavailability has been thrown around without truly understanding its meaning.
When a man doesn’t want to rush forward in a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s emotionally unavailable.
It can mean any of a few things. Perhaps, he’s just cautious, especially if he just came from a long-term relationship where he got seriously hurt.
Or it can even mean that he’s just timid and doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings well. If you look at his actions, there’s sincerity, there’s a clear indication that he respects and acknowledges your feelings.
And of course, it’s not outside the realm of possibilities that you’ve been dating a man who’s not into you. He’s perfectly capable of entering into a healthy relationship, but not with you. Maybe he’s not attracted to you, or perhaps the timing’s just not right.
What are the characteristics of an emotionally unavailable person?
With those misconceptions out of the way, it’s now time to define emotional unavailability.
Emotionally unavailable men (and women) share three qualities. If you suspect that your man is emotionally unavailable, check out this list.
First, emotionally unavailable men tend to be emotionally distant.
They’re there for the good times. But when things take a serious turn, they can vanish, both emotionally and physically.
Indifference to their partners’ feelings
In a healthy relationship, both partners acknowledge each other’s emotions.
But when you’re in a relationship with emotionally unavailable men, there’s no recognition of those emotions.
Lack of commitment
Emotionally unavailable men can make you feel that you’re in a semblance of a real relationship. But when you examine your relationship, there’s nothing much beyond the surface level.
Signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man
Now that you have a fair idea of the characteristics of emotionally unavailable men, it’s now time to look at the signs of emotional unavailability from a more practical standpoint.
You don’t know how to label your relationship
Whether you’ve been going out with him for a few weeks or several months, your relationship status remains ambiguous.
One of the problems associated with dating emotionally unavailable people is that you don’t know where you exactly stand with them, even if you have done things that people in a healthy relationship do.
There’s no real progress
If you have stayed with the same partner for a significant chunk of time, you still feel that your relationship with an emotionally available person seems just like the day you started.
Or worse, the relationship started on a high note, with your partner wooing you. But now, you can’t boast of any real progress.
That’s because emotionally unavailable men can be quite good at seducing their partners and providing an illusion of intimacy.
But in the end, that’s just what it is, an illusion.
He doesn’t open up
Hanging out with emotionally unavailable men can be a blast.
But when you try to ramp things up emotionally, he clams up, trying to divert your attention with sarcasm and jokes.
In short, he diverts your attention away from his feelings. And no matter how long your relationship is, there is no real intimacy because of the lack of openness and vulnerability.
You’re doing all the heavy lifting
You often feel that you are the only one who’s working to keep your relationship alive.
That’s because emotionally unavailable men a great at starting relationships. They can seduce you with minimal effort.
But once you’re hooked, that spells the end of all of his hard work.
He’s never been intimate with you
Emotionally intimate, that is.
He’s got no problem being physically intimate with you. In fact, emotionally unavailable people prefer physical intimacy over emotional intimacy because they can make love without opening themselves up.
And that’s part of emotionally unavailable people not putting in the hard work in a relationship. They want what’s casual and easy.
When it’s time to open up and show vulnerability, when it comes to the more difficult aspects of a relationship, they shut down and offer no real opportunity for a genuine emotional connection.
What can you do if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man?
Perhaps your man shows some of the signs of an emotionally unavailable person. That does not mean that he’ll always be an emotionally unavailable man. Emotional unavailability doesn’t mean that a person is evil or devoid of emotions.
There are several anecdotes of emotionally unavailable people who end up in healthy and thriving relationships. In short, an emotionally unavailable partner can become a normal partner because emotional unavailability is not always permanent.
With that being said, is it worth staying in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man? Can you make one fall in love with you?
You can hold your hopes up and wait for things to take a turn for the better. But you have to be aware that dating emotionally unavailable persons can be draining.
You can end up frustrated, angry, or even lonely because of all the heavy lifting you need to do to prop your relationship up.
You can take a gamble on your man and wish that things will turn around. But there’s no real guarantee for that. There’s no real timetable you can consult where you can know exactly when an emotionally unavailable person will open up.
And while you are wishing and hoping, you can exit that toxic relationship and find happiness elsewhere. And in the grand scheme of things, that is what’s more important – finding happiness.
Exiting such a relationship can feel like you are wasting your emotional investment, but sooner or later, you’ll realize that there’s no real chance of getting back what you have given to your partner.